<!--
var day_names = new Array(
"Sunday",
"Monday",
"Tuesday",
"Wednesday",
"Thursday",
"Friday",
"Saturday"
);

var month_names = new Array(
"January",
"February",
"March",
"April",
"May",
"June",
"July",
"August",
"September",
"October",
"November",
"December"
);
var pun = new Array(
"The suit will fit fine, once I give it a few tux.",
"This version of the paralympics does not allow competitors to compete who have already had their severed arms and legs reattached. This is only the pre-limbs.",
"The six-year-old orphan became very upset when his classmates asked him about his father. First graders should never be given pop quizzes.",
"My derivative chart has already been coated with protective paint. Why prime?",
"Keanu Reeves learned Kung Fu for <i>The Matrix</i>. He was just a Neo fight.",
"The Aboriginal glee club performs a variety of coral music.",
"The lazy Pagan was accused of having idol thoughts.",
"The Musician\'s guitar wire broke. I knew that the recording process was going to take a while.",
"The compulsive bible-burner had a Luke-warm disposition.",
"Frankly, I\'m amaized that we sold any corn.",
"My calculus teacher marked me absent. I guess she didn\'t here me.",
"Always write your music notes in black ink&#151;for good measure.",
"Students who write research papers outdoors lack incite.",
"How do you expect to proliferate the species by keeping your fence locked? It\'s time to prop a gate.",
"The priest hadn\'t set out to use the communion table, but was soon forced to altar his plan.",
"No, I did not try to jump off of the Golden gate Bridge. Instead, I fell Tower.",
"Never store a wrench in your shoe. I recommend that you socket.",
"My spoon full of snow peas keeps shaking. I guess I\'ll have to try pod.",
"I don\'t know why my friend insisted on taking the late test without wearing any cosmetics. Everyone knew that it was a makeup test.",
"I want to buy my friend from Penn State a stuffed mascot. \'Nitt any lions lately?",
"You want to take a trip to a group of islands located twenty-eight miles west-south-west of Land\'s End, Cornwall? That seems a bit Scilly to me.",
"Two farmers had been fighting over a prized chicken for years. After the hen\'s death, both men agreed to bury the hatch it.",
"Listening to a bear shuffle through one\'s belongings can be an in tents experience.",
"The Presidential limo veered into on-coming traffic after skidding through a pile of rock salt. Following the lethal crash, the Vice President was exsalted.",
"When I captured the unusual flat-bodied sea creatures, my boat housed an a ray of new species.",
"Pete Townshend was not the first person to distribute quantities of the smallpox vaccine. I\'m talking about my Jenner ration.",
"Why must my chemistry class be scheduled so periodically?",
"I was decidedly leery of the area of land set aside to house the bovines. Cow wards never accomplish anything.",
"I like to add&#151;sum times.",
"Robert Plant led Zeppelin.",
"I couldn\'t believe that the statue was not made of stone. Next time, I won\'t take a work of art for granite.",
"You would never be able to draw a large, African, swamp-dwelling mammal. Stop being so hippo critical.",
"This meat-and-cheese shop lacks the needed eastern flavor. You\'ll have to build a New Delhi.",
"I\'ve always enjoyed visiting other schools and applying colorful images to walls, but I\'ve never considered intramural painting.",
"Use a black pen when calculating your trigonometry questions. I\'m not a fan of tan problems.",
"The textile monger loomed over me.",
"Our base guitarist used up every one of the strawberries. Why did he insist on jamming all day long?",
"On windy days, the basketball player\'s hair blew to-and-fro.",
"When the Boy Scout misbehaved, he was given fourty lashings.",
"The coastal vassal took up serfing as a hobby.",
"The lumberjack kept a daily log.",
"Those votes have been counted incorrectly. I will seek retallyation.",
"The transportation engineer couldn\'t waste time plotting the voltages from the static-electricity generator. He had a van to graaff.",
"How dare you watch fellow students snack on small pieces of marshmallow birds. You\'ve been told to peep whole.",
"The plumber tried to dislodge the obstruction with a thick-soled shoe, but he only succeed in clogging the drain.",
"Some people like to climb stairs; others prefer to use climbing devices composed of two vertical sides connected by horizontal pieces. I am partial to the ladder.",
"The marijuana legislation was passed by a joint resolution.",
"I could not understand why my attorney insisted on wearing clothes that were out of style. This was not a leisure suit.",
"I could not buy pants from the midget. He was a short salesman.",
"The school awards cabinet was slowly rotting away. It was a case of atrophy.",
"The well-versed musician refrained from singing.",
"I asked Santa for a Eureka tent. Knowing that I had misbehaved, he decided to send the Cole man.",
"Presidential debates are commonly violent and full of Gore.",
"I need some new shocks for my meat truck. The ride is getting to be a bit jerky.",
"There\'s nothing grate about sliced cheese.",
"This prehistoric legend&#151;designed to cloak the real or state of affairs&#151; has no basis in fact. Its storyteller must have had some reason to create the pretext.",
"Napoleon placed a chess piece back on the board that had already been captured. Everyone knows that you can\'t use expired coup pawns.",
"Sure, the grocery store clerk can sell meat. But will he produce?",
"My client asked that I charge for each law suit individually. I chose not to persue.",
"Calm ocean in the morning, build a mooring. . . I think that\'s what the sea ment.",
"Who\'s your pick for best guitar player?",
"Sir, I don\'t have any stoichiometry playing cards. Everyone knows that I deal gas laws.",
"While loitering on MIT property, a security guard came over to me and said, &quot;I know your type. You travel from college to college, trespassing and finding the limits of functions by taking the derivatives of numerators over the derivatives of denominators.&quot; To this I responded, &quot;Officer&#151;I swear&#151;I don\'t inter L\'H&#244;pital.&quot;",
"Before starting their commando expedition, the militants were debriefed.",
"You should have sent the letter to my mail box, which was housed in a temporary shelter. Your shipping system was not very PO-tent.",
"When climbing rocks, the woman always wore her mountain earring.",
"What kind of Halloween present is an inflatable relative? Now I have to pumpkin.",
"During his college years, God spited idol-worshiping Egyptian restaurateurs by eating copious amounts of Ra men.",
"The two-tailed whale was just a fluke.",
"The back-woods trails are represented by dotted lines. . . or so the legend goes.",
"In order to plot the speed of my golf cart, I needed to find the driving range.",
"The doctor\'s computer files on sexually transmitted diseases skipped from &quot;C&quot; to &quot;E.&quot; He had never seen the need to install a DVD system.",
"How does The Fresh Prince clean his large latrine? Big Willie style, of course.",
"The birthday cake, which was made in the shape of an apartment, was a bit too suite for me.",
"The liturgy seemed all rite to me.",
"Ketchup on hot dogs? I can hardly relish the thought.",
"My roof leaks&#151;due to a lack of good ceiling.",
"I\'m clueless when it comes to the life of Henry VIII. Someone needs to Tudor me.",
"I propose to put an end to war though a series of high profile, diplomatic luncheons. I don\'t think that they need to happen simultaneously, though. We\'d be better off if they occurred peace meal.",
"Looking at this chocolate map of Eastern Europe makes me Hungary.",
"When my father left on vacation, he told me to study the Spanish word for city. I responded, &quot;I\'ll ciudad.&quot;",
"When asked if the square root of negative one was an intelligent number, my friend responded, &quot;<i>i</i> don\'t know.&quot;",
"Screams rose up from the crowd of students. As they raised their writing utensils into the air, their penchant for protest became clear.",
"My plastic surgeon nose how to improve a person\'s face.",
"I have a crazy family, relatively speaking of course.",
"I watched closely as the spokesperson for a popular party-word-game ad-libed his statement.",
"vOn the moon, an administrator has no trouble reducing the weight of the masses.",
"But the distance to a given curve of <i>my</i> handbag doesn\'t tend to zero! How did you end up with the awesome tote?",
"I watched <i>Hot Shots!</i> with the television brightness level set at &quot;10.&quot; It was a bit too Sheen for me.",
"The lazy tailor slacked off a bit.",
"The small-mammal ice-sculpting contest was judged by a chemist-he was obviously familiar with moles of solid H<sub>2</sub>0.",
"I admired the Swiss Army Knife with a certain amount of awl.",
"The scheme to grow a crop to be made into clothing was not my primary idea. It was a cottongincy plan.",
"You\'ll never be able to make a kite by tying flippers to your Cabbage Patch Kid. Everyone knows that doll fins can\'t fly.",
"Finding out after the his statistics test that data collected by retired gnomes who used to support themselves by catching wild animals cannot be used to estimate data outside the domain, the student exclaimed, &quot;No ex trap? Oh late!&quot;",
"McDonald\'s has a new &quot;Comet Burger.&quot; I still think that Wendys\' sandwiches are meteor.",
"The baker\'s father was deeply disappointed that his son spent his days loafing around.",
"Horses 1 through 9 have been trained to walk on flat ground. I suggest that you mount ten.",
"Our new board game expressly prohibited the use of the traditional, periphery, yellow condiment. Perhaps I can substitute kernel mustard.",
"Extraterrestrial jerky tend to be rather Chewie.",
"These light weight shirts that I bought in Denmark are very delicate. I wish they weren\'t so Dane tee.",
"I need to purchase a barrel of translucent petroleum. That garbage I bought earlier was just too OPEC.",
"Calculus can\'t be used to figure out the volume of the Bastille if you\'ve vaporized it! We need a solid of revolution.",
"&quot;Book it!&quot; screamed the librarian as he ran from the cops.",
"How is it possible to steal lower-back massages? The masseuse charges purloin.",
"When the flag carrier disgraced our organization, we had no choice but to banner.",
"The lonely chess player asked that his mail order bride be wrapped in plastic. He was tired of stalemates.",
"My friends and I always use fruit instead of chips when we play poker. Last week I won with two pear.",
"In order for the photograph to look realistic, the red flowers needed to be sprinkled with water. Unfortunately, my color blind assistant had no idea what to dew.",
"The new record by the former member of Pink Floyd failed to make the top 100. I guess uncharted Waters inhibit sails.",
"The University of New England is my Maine choice for college.",
"Spilling tacos all over his jacket, the chef was forced to remove it and cook chili.",
"Walking in the circle was utterly pointless.",
"The gambler asked the chefs to stop delaying the vegetable-slicing contest. He would not stand for waited dice.",
"One must be taught how to remove slack from rope.",
"Every member of last year\'s show is rechoired to sing again.",
"The poker player couldn\'t believe that he had lost the hand with three aces. Where would he find sole ace?",
"Do not construct the matrimony altar from the branches of a pointy-leafed berry tree. Holly wood marriages never last.",
"Selling coffee has it\'s perks.",
"Before finding the magnetically-coded section of the bell choir\'s demo tape, we would have to locate their ring-leader.",
"Out of modesty, the young sunbather covered her body with a thick vegtable mixture. She received a pur&#233;e tan.",
"My coat slid under the car. I guess I\'ll have to jacket.",
"My language teacher said that I pronounced my E\'s to softly. If only I had filled in my test with a Sharpie.",
"The main hall is closed&#151;we\'ll just have to wing it.",
"&quot;These meatballs taste like seafood!&quot; Yes, there is something very fishy about this whole situation.",
"In times of boredom, Julius Caesar Romed about.",
"For some people, Crisis situations lead to excess Paine.",
"The cow was unable to lactate&#151;she stood in udder disbelief.",
"When the curious patient inquired as to how his colonoscopy would be administered, the doctor spoke of going &quot;In through the out door.&quot; The patient responded: &quot;Anal! O gee.&quot;",
"The dependent rolling pin said to the dough, &quot;I knead you.&quot;",
"When two single people who have been given power of attorney over several prominent citizens&#151;but cannot currently remember their gambling losses for the 2001 fiscal year&#151;meet, they have no choice but to proxy mate.",
"The crustacean had trouble throwing the ball long distances. He was just a lobster.",
"Did you hear about the man who went trippin\' last fall?",
"Dairy was the murder weapon? But her knife!",
"The horrible song about cleaving furry aliens was written in the Tribble cleft.",
"The Mike Myers movie Wayned in popularity.",
"To find out what type of nut to eat, I checked my weekly Planter.",
"As a high school student, Lenin was obsessed with his Marx.",
"Which drug scheme was our hero in?",
"Visibly upset from the whole ordeal, the grape juice started to wine.",
"Where am I going to store these stolen checks, you ask? Well, I had originally planned to cache them.",
"What\'s knot to like about rope?",
"Why did you bother telling the college application committee about your research project on the function of kidneys? Everyone knows that urine.",
"When the question of an appropriate system of measurement for subatomic particles arises, I\'m very pro ton.",
"It is believed by some that residents of the Great Lakes region use improper English. The people saying this must be unfamiliar with the ways of a diction Erie.",
"It looked as though my new pants might have been hastily sewn, but the salesman assured me that every stitch was exactly as it seamed.",
"The military lieutenant had his genitalia chopped off in a freak accident involving the distribution of food portions to the army drama club. If only he had been warned about the dangers of cast ration.",
"Answering the last question wrong, I was denied my citizenship to Finland. I was so close to being finished!",
"The boating pier has been slowly decaying due to an exchange of electrons. I guess we\'ll have to redox.",
"When the surfer was arrested, he chose to wave his right to be silent.",
"The carpenter shuddered at the thought of exposed windows.",
"I knew that the view out my window would not always show that barren-looking tree. Some day it would leaf.",
"I don\'t need to bring my evening carriage to philosophy class. I have a Des cartes.",
"My previous conviction for stealing plastic clothing was immaterial to the case.",
"That nice steam-roller-operator is such a flatterer.",
"You\'ll never be able to drive a car at supersonic speeds. The barrier is quite sound.",
"The therapist-in-training will lesson my pain.",
"Copernicus was a bit of an ex-centric.",
"What\'s the big deal with extra playing cards?",
"Frankly, I took offence to the entire yard enclosure.",
"The new book was a novel idea.",
"The two drug dealers, after getting into a car accident, both shared the same walking apparatus. Would they get away with their cocane scheme?",
"Tom Daschle and George Bush approved the building of a navy bipartisanship.",
"I can\'t chew gum while batting, for in stance.",
"The gray roll was inducted into the tape hall of fame.",
"These ridged pants only cost twenty-five cents? Quarter, Oy!",
"Sir, these averages make no sense to me. I don\'t understand what you mean.",
"Don\'t contaminate the sewer system with Neosporin. You see, I\'m very antiseptic tank.",
"The Polish man accompanied the hiker on his trip. Fishing Poles can make any camp out more enjoyable.",
"You\'re appreciative that I was able to scare all the males out of town? No, don\'t men shun it.",
"The holistic algebra teacher required every student to keep a natural log.",
"I own a drinking establishment for black birds. When negotiating a loans, my crow bar can be used as leverage.",
"What do you mean you can\'t see these atomic particles? You\'re looking right atom.",
"I believe that the scribe had the write of way.",
"As our boat began to cross the Northern-Pennsylvania lake, an Erie feeling came over me.",
"The clumsy student tripped over his feet in the dark room. I don\'t think that he was very bright.",
"Vikings prefer to catch fish with Hitchcock Films. Of corse, there are other Norman Bates.",
"The two of spades ended his amateur career yesterday. Everyone knew that he would prodeuce.",
"I refuse to believe that my new lasso is contaminated with a tropical parasitic disease. I will hear no more of these crazy rumors concerning malariat.",
"What kind of sick musician would play a b-sharp? It\'s just not natural.",
"The surgeon was unfamiliar with the new leg operation. It was too hip for him.",
"Our tent purchase was not something to be taken lightly&#151;there was much at stake.",
"The figure skater\'s sparkly costumes were stored out of sequence.",
"At the time, putting an air-conditioning unit in the store room didn\'t seem like such a hot idea.",
"The priest used a Massive chalice.",
"When the tractor trailer plowed into the maple tree, it brought about a rerooting nightmare.",
"My mother\'s grandfather gave me one hundred dollars. Isn\'t he great?",
"I wouldn\'t recommend using fake smoke for the alternative-rock concert. It might irritate the Weezer.",
"The story about the missing tract of land would never sell. There was no plot.",
"My attorney could not relie on the second polygraph.",
"Everyone in the bar is depressed. We need morale.",
"I was not able to book a room at the Treaty of Versailles theme hotel. Next time I\'ll make Lodge Reservations.",
"When the prosecutor failed to nail the man for copyright infringement, his book case fell apart.",
"y=x<sup>3</sup>? That\'s odd.",
"In order to calculate the volume of water at a particular pressure, I had to Boyle it.",
"You want me to hurl a piece of sheet music, outlining soprano vocals, at Adam Sandler, star of <i>The Water Boy</i>? I have no choice but to use a treb Bouche.",
"If I get into a car accident and hit my head, I might get to miss some school. Wouldn\'t that be swell?",
"My homemade cassette player jammed up when I tried to play music from my favorite sixties British pop band. I\'m still trying to work the Kinks out.",
"When the nurse missed the man\'s artery, she knew that the whole injection was in vein.",
"Stop flip-flopping between choices and pick out a pair of sandals.",
"These two-hour documentaries about professional fighters will never sell. You should stick to selling boxer shorts.",
"The crafty cement salesman managed to scam several residents of the Greek island. I can\'t believe that his concrete scheme worked.",
"I\'ll consider bringing cupcakes to the party&#151;once I find out who the Hostess.",
"I decided to pass on the kidney stone trivia question.",
"The smallest number in that particular set always wore a smile. He was a bound with happiness.",
"The cop had no choice but to pull over the eastern European driver. He was clearly Rushin\'.",
"My crazy teacher spent two hours discussing writing implements. Suffice it to say, I\'m chalkboard.",
"We need to rehearse for the second funeral procession.",
"Killing sick people does not set a very good example for the children of China. Will somebody please think of the euth in Asia?",
"The book, <i>101 Games to Play with Famous Actors</i>, lacked a Price tag.",
"You want to incinerate my periodical with a rugged, machined-aluminum illuminator? But, will the Mag lite?",
"I usually won\'t impersonate a high-school student without my water bottle, but maybe this time I can teen.",
"There are several phases to our Christmas preparation. It\'s quite Advent ages.",
"I could not understand why my friend insisted on smoking marijuana while he used his IBM computer. Everyone knows it\'s a Gateway drug.",
"The police officer had a fine time with the traffic violator.",
"In order to build the epidermic outhouse, the snake had to shed it\'s skin.",
"The contractor hired a group of soldiers to build the military prison. It was an effective use of brig aid.",
"Santa Claus is presently occupied.",
"The Mexican chef, living in Australia, prepared reef-dried beans.",
"You say, &quot;Your love was a trio of golf players?&quot; Why, I never met a four.",
"This new time machine will prove that civilized humans emerged only after the development of speech capabilities&#151;that\'s my prediction, anyway.",
"In the eighties my buddy purchased a rubber fastening device bearing the picture of a rabbit on it. Hare bands have lost popularity since then.",
"Most members of the local government are navy men. They congregate at town ship meetings.",
"So what if you attended door-keeping college? You won\'t get hired in a foreign country unless you pass port.",
"The only item that the robbers took was a case of caffeinated citrus flavored soda. Sure enough, the victim demanded Dew process.",
"You say that this beverage is non-alcoholic. But where is the proof?",
"John Cleese was injured while using the toilet. Luckily, it was just a flush wound.",
"I did not want to spill jelly on my mattress. It was too hot to sleep with a bed spread.",
"Leave it to the Secretary of State to find a cure for intestinal cancer. He\'s my colon pal.",
"I know why our lantern doesn\'t work. It\'s been dismantled.",
"Eating should never make you sad, unless it is a mourning meal.",
"The male college students requested permission to leave early from their class on the reproductive system of flowers. Their teacher responded by saying, &quot;Stamen.&quot;",
"The man was devastated when his favorite rock album was stolen. If only there was some way to prevent Petty theft.",
"I\'m just going to replace my smokeable mink coat. It seems that I underestimated the time and effort refir would require.",
"You ask why someone would kiss a tavern? Well, it is a publick facility.",
"I used to work at the sugar packaging factory. Then my position was dissolved.",
"Static broke up the scientist\'s telephoned-in report on cellular decay.",
"The Law of Conservation of Mass seemed very complicated. I knew that a simple reaction between two substances was not the end of the matter.",
"Some daze I just can\'t seem to focus.",
"The essay doesn\'t reflector true feelings about contraptions designed to reflect light.",
"Telemarketers should write out their sales scripts phone etiquettely.",
"Calculating the distance traveled was an integral part of our plan.",
"The percussion player could not understand the sheet music. There were too many different cymbals.",
"It\'s impossible to operate on this woman with a scalpel. There must be some other way that I can opener.",
"Why did the speaker at our graduation spend an hour comparing our class to cement? I\'m so mortarboard.",
"Lady Macbeth entered the hospital carrying the wounded villain from <i>Die Hard</i>. Everyone could see the blood on her Hans.",
"Informed adults suggest that high expectations keep children off drugs.",
"The New Orleans college student&#151;who\'s father was a contractor&#151;payed for her beads with roof flashing.",
"With a hand full of spades, I was able to flush away my poker debts.",
"Aren\'t square roots radical?",
"The current single-season home-run champion would never invest in baseball cards.  Everyone know that Barry Bonds.",
"The priest couldn\'t speak about the man\'s golden skin color. He refused to Saytan.",
"Southern history teachers have a habit of understating the affects of the Civil War.",
"The crooked psychologist was paid per jury.",
"I can\'t seem to find the beef aisle. Can you steer me in the right direction?",
"Alcoholism can be a serious alement.",
"You want to pilfer my compass supply for sale on the black market? What is the pi rate, anyway?",
"The classic Greek murderer was put on death ro.",
"My stock broker seems to be addicted to the eternal principle of the universe that transcends reality and is the source of being, non-being, and change. Damn that Tao jones!",
"How could the bingo player have gotten cancer? Her last checkup was B-9.",
"That crazy teacher crossed the line when he asked me to give the name of an eighteenth-century German philosopher. Everyone knows that I. Kant.",
"If Hannibal Lecter took a hike though the woods, would he leave his victims hanging en trails?",
"The city planner who was hired to design Washington D.C. capitalized on the country.",
"The illegal touchdown pass was quite offensive.",
"The agitated doctor searched everywhere for a nurse, and when he finally spotted one carrying a cup of urine into the lab, he shouted, &quot;This is not a good time to test my patients!&quot;",
"Jesus Christ had a stable home life.",
"Although I asked for a new Pink Floyd album for Christmas, I felt a bit uncomfortable with my friends Meddling in my CD collection.",
"Why would the Civil War reenactors be cold? I thought that they were going to blank it.",
"No, I don\'t have an A-positive blood type. Your records must show a type-O.",
"The body guard expected <i>someone</i> to mock his employer\'s pocket book. He waited patiently for the crowd to dis purse.",
"How are the blue centers put into breath mints? Why, they are incerted, of course.",
"So you can drive a car, but what do you have to chauffeur it?",
"The ambitious restaurant owner, who dreamed of producing a broadway-style play to be performed in the rear of his building, could not afford the back <i>Rent</i>.",
"You want me to climb Mount McKinley with a group of farmers, whose specialty is the production of seeds from various species of leguminous plants, in my pack? I can\'t carry beaners.",
"When asked who sang the song &quot;Limelight,&quot; the man responded, &quot;Don\'t Rush me.&quot;",
"I could see right through the boy scout\'s lie when he told me that he could tie shear lashings.",
"The Gospel writer, whose work met with much controversy, was a Marked man.",
"If he were to terminate the tree-woman\'s pregnancy, the doctor would be the blunt of an arbor shun.",
"Due to the lazy nature of disposable pens, I constantly find myself�in all places and at all times�saying to my ink-filled employees, &quot;You, Bic. Quit us!&quot;",
"When the homosexual noticed me staring, I averted my gays.",
"Never build model people close to the ocean. You might lose your sand dolls in the waves.",
"When we ran out of Styrofoam cups, the atmosphere in our coffee shop became quite muggy.",
"Teddy Roosevelt was a bit distrusting of big business.",
"It was impossible to get my book report done during napkin-placement class. Overlapping activities always seemed to cause me trouble.",
"I no longer need the taxonomy reports. Please phylum away.",
"No one puts tropical fruit in pies anymore. It\'s a dated technique.",
"The young college girl didn\'t know what to carry with her to the night-time Mardi Gras celebration. I suggested that she flash light.",
"I received a thousand-dollar check from my grandfather.",
"Help! The supply of pants is being depleated.",
"Those aren\'t your purple vestments. Who Lent them to you?",
"The Civil Rights demonstrators boycotted McDonalds as a protest to their disenfranchisement.",
"The military chaplain was chosen to pilot the wor ship.",
"The conceited watch was a bit clocky.",
"One craftsman specializes in the production of patches bearing the likeness of burrowing carnivorous animals. He\'s quite a badger.",
"It is currently impossible to see through the walls of my house, but if my lottery numbers are picked, I\'ll win dough.",
"The health spa hired a church-going parasite to keep tabs on their clients. The whole ordeal was quite thorough pew tic.",
"Hard-wood is unacceptable. Please show me a more rugged floor covering.",
"The farmer\'s new pig enclosure lacked a horizontal piece of wood below the window. The architect really should have drawn the blue prints with a pen-sill.",
"The air-cooling device was conditionally guaranteed.",
"I tried desperately to make a loaf of wheat bread, but the whole thing went arye.",
"Nebraska is a bit too plain for me.",
"The museum of executions seemed to favor crucifixions, but, then again, I was only able to view a small cross section of the exhibits.",
"If I had only been wearing boxing gloves, the carton would not have given me a paper cut.",
"You really shouldn\'t have wakened the record executive. He never appreciates a nap stir.",
"Take a Karate class&#151;just for kicks.",
"That woman will never become enthused about Tuesday\'s soccer game by injesting excess salt. Someone needs to pep her.",
"My lawyer carried the evidence in a leather box, as he knew this would be a briefcase.",
"You require treatment in a European health camp for the ingestion of large amounts of Vicks Vaporub. Please don\'t ask, &quot;What\'s the camphor?&quot;",
"No one is interested in action figures featuring the likeness of Spanish surrealist painters. I suggest the production of a Salvador Dolly.",
"I had to laugh when the boy broke his upper arm. It was very humerous.",
"It\'s not a very good idea to build a solar-powered robot to police property in the vicinity of the actor who portrayed Oskar Schindler in Steven Spielberg\'s black-and-white masterpiece. Therefore, I will volunteer to patrol Liam.",
"Shore, you can go to the beach.",
"After having an accident on the car\'s rug, the puppy was stripped of his car pet privileges.",
"When my novocaine supply ran out, I knew my number was up.",
"The park ranger, caught in the jaws of a giant grizzly, said, &quot;I\'m sorry folks, but you\'ll just have to bear with me.&quot;",
"I hear that strangers are living your basement. Of course, these are only roomers.",
"Why would the vote count if only part of the chad is dislodged? I thought that we were supposed to count punch wholes.",
"The silly girl tripped over a maple tree. What a sappy thing to do!",
"Ricky Martin is a great swimmer&#151;it seems that he\'s naturally flambuoyant.",
"It seems that Honest Abe was a big fan of the rap-rock genre. The question is, when attending a concert, where did Linkin Park?",
"In order to prepare for his challenging duel-role, the actor decided to Hyde backstage.",
"My ear problem grew worse each day. It seemed to wax daily.",
"I pilfered several two-jawed machines used for holding articles in place. Now, sadly, I\'m a prisoner of my own de vises.",
"I asked my friend to measure the perimeter of the Samaritan homeland, but all could give me was Somearia.",
"The depraved poet is paid perverse.",
"How did I know that the small furry animal was not a groundhog? Why, I had to inferret it, of course.",
"The two-time offender was a decidedly refined gentleman.",
"I couldn\'t believe that my assistant decided to do his advanced CO<sub>2</sub> studies in Greenland. Everyone knows that carbon dioxide is non-polar.",
"I had a friend who was cast as a pen in an upcoming play. Unfortunately, he was written out of the script.",
"My elevated garden rose up.",
"I\'m required to install my daughter\'s fianc&#233;\'s towel rack yet again. How I loath these dowel re<i>s</i>.",
"I expected you to speak out against the ban on assessments. I know that you are pro test.",
"The low price of the land made me suspicious. I didn\'t want to get stuck with a useless con tract.",
"I can\'t find the farmer\'s keys. Maybe I should look in har vest.",
"My street looks like a garbage dump, litter ally.",
"Comatose patients are prone to bed sores.",
"Quote the maple tree on the arrival of spring: &quot;I\'m so releaved.&quot;",
"The <i>Third Annual Adam Smith Carnival</i> was staffed by a group of idlers. What a lazy fair!",
"Obie-Won-Kinobe was afraid of the small feline. Light saber toothed tigers can be intimidating.",
"A simple, one line provision in our contract with the wardrobe manufacturer would have been prevented the confrontation. If only I had possessed the foresight to clause it.",
"The petrified insect from the Italian Peninsula was thought to have lived during the Roman tic period.",
"The scientist, busy with his time machine, was presently unavailable.",
"This triangular decoration lacks a slogan. Who can we hire to pen it?",
"Theater of the Absurd? Well, Al bee!",
"The fraction chart was not integral to my lawyer\'s case.",
"The disciplined archers stood in a row.",
"In order to determine the amount of albums of a certain heavy metal band that were possessed by the inventor of the dirigible, I will have to Count Zeppelin.",
"After hearing the case of the woman who folded her clothes wrong, the jury had no choice but to hanger.",
"Could we really blame the hurricane for all of the broken glass? Realistically, how much can a wind owe?",
"The map maker used Macedonia to cover up the Greece spot.",
"When I saw that the chunk of dirt and grass was upset, I asked, &quot;Why are you so sod?&quot;",
"The spy hired by the cartoonist was a bit Snoopy.",
"Roll down this hill&#151;if you are so inclined.",
"The musician was band from his favorite club.",
"How could the teacher reject my answer of 40 degrees? It was such a cute angle.",
"So, who\'s going to oversea this trip to Euope?",
"The cooperative fur traders beat up a deer. They didn\'t want to pelt a member of an endangered species.",
"The rotten bananas were very unappealing.",
"Traveling parallel to a tangent line is just not normal.",
"Do I prefer trigonometry, or philosophy? Well, sometimes I see Kant.",
"My Latin exam emphasizes both the ablative and the vocative. This is most definitely the worst-case scenario.",
"The American armored division displayed a Pattonted new maneuver while marching across France.",
"The pain of losing the grizzlies was just unbearable.",
"Seeing our college sleeping quarters were infested with insects, we were forced to leave them dorm ant.",
"Maybe high school students wouldn\'t have to take the SATs if the College wasn\'t so Board.",
"Who\'s my favorite mathematician, you ask? Well, I like Riemann some."
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date_text += " " + date_now.getDate()
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document.writeln('            <p><a href=\"http://www.punliners.com/\"><font face="Arial" color=\"red\" size=\"2\"><b>PunLiners.com</b></font></a>');
document.writeln('            <br><a href=\"http://www.punliners.com/daily.html\"><font face="Arial" size="1" color="red">Free daily puns for your website&#151;Click Here.</font></a>');
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